Rebirth of me

For the last two years blogging for me has died down and finally tonight I realized why…

In the early stages of blogging I was raw, open and honest. I spoke openly about everything in my life and I over shared like a crazy person. It kept me sane, it made writing easy, it just came to me everyday like breathing. It was my release.

Then over the last 7 years the mommy blogging world has grown. It has gone from very few blogs to so many I can hardly keep up. Suddenly things like sponsors and events came into play; I still did not sensor what I wrote. I kept it honest and open. Then the community grew more and more and brands wanted some censoring, not too the extend that you cannot be yourself, but a lot of them don’t want the bad things associated with their brand and to be honest that it their right and I support that.

Finally I had to join the club and start censoring what I write a little. Never did I plant a fake flower and made life look like sunshine and daisy’s because that is not who I am, but I edited out some of the not so good parts.

As time passed I sort of conditioned myself to not share the bad and the ugly, not because of sponsors but because as I moved closer to my thirties I realised that I should not openly share all the bad things, all the small things and some of the big things.

My kids are getting older and I felt they needed a say about what I post about them.

We live in a sick sick world and with Amandalynn’s father being a dead beat asshole I did not want him to have too much information.

I wanted to be happy in my everyday life and I figured lets work on the good instead of focusing so much time on the bad.

So in essence I allowed my insecurities to ruin my blog, to ruin my sense of self when it came to my blog. For that I can only blame myself. I don’t feel writing what I feel is always appropriate so instead I write nothing at all.

Tonight I made the decision that it needs to change. I need to start talking about the good, the bad and ugly. I need to be me again. I need to vent and laugh and write everything in my life down and post it on my blog and posting it “private” does not work for me. The release is not the same. I sort of need to put my shit out there to make it real and let it go, move on. I have so many posts lying in my draft folder from life, events and advice and tips. I have now made the decision to just schedule them all moving forward… so until I start writing more about my life as it is, it will take a while for the blog to be up to date… I won’t be back tracking but I will be posting everything I stopped myself from sharing.

So here is to me being myself again when it comes to blogging. Being open, being me and being honest.

So maybe I should post a warning….

I do not know what I will be posting in the future. I do know that it will be honest. You may not like it or agree with what I say, but I started blogging 7 years ago as SCAREDMOM because that is what I was and it helped me not to be scared anymore. I you don’t like it, move on! Don’t be troll. I expect support or silence.

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