Same old story, same old ending

It feels like it has been years since I have talked about this subject, but connact was made and I have to deal with the consequences of his reckless behaviour.

You are probably wondering what the hell I am talking about and in a minute you will understand. 

My December started out normal and calm until one night I received a whatsapp message from a number I did not recognise reading as follows:

Hi Charlotte it is John. I was wondering if I could have a contact number for Amandalynn to start chatting with her and maybe share some photos.

Now that is not the exact wording or the full message but the jist of it. 

This really got to me. I mean 10 years down the line he finally decided to show some interest in my child and how did he do it? By asking for her fucking number. 

We had some messages back and forth and the end result as usual he got pissed off with me because he did not get his way. 

I mean really what was I suppose to do hand over my daughters cell number to a man she only knows in name so that he can have free access to my daughter? To suddenly want a relationship with her. 

What about the last 10 years? What about paying maintenance? What about the kissed birthdays, the missed school accomplishments and all the other things? How can you just pick up the phone finally after 10 years and think it will be as easy as one two three? 

Hannes and I obviously discussed this matter and wven though my first instinct and the first instinct of my family and friends was to tell him to go take a hike, Hannes and I both grew up not knowing our biological fathers and the effect that it had on us we wanted to make the right decision for our daughter. Do we say no and she hates us down the line or it could have worked out and shw could have a good relationship with her biofather or do we say yes and he chats with her for a week a month and then disappears into thin air again. We decided that we will first get legal advise, a child care experts advise and then have a chat with her before we make a decision. Only to have Lorelai hear this and start asking questions. 

This meant we had to tell Amandalynn about the fact that he made contact before she heard about it from her 6 year old sister. That night I sat Amandalynn down and told her that he made contact and the steps we plan on following before we make a decision. I told her that she has a say in the matter but only after she speaks with her psychologist about it . She did not have much to say but I could see in her eyes that the wheels were turning like crazy. My poor anxious child now had another thing to struggle with. 

Needless to stay I have not heard from him since and it is really pissing me off. Here he has yet again fuckt everything up. Without thinking about my daughter and the effect this might have on her, he again only took himself into consideration and I have to pick up the pieces. 

My best friend mentioned something interesting today that my feelings of anger and hatred has passed for this man and it is true, until that message all I felt for him was pity as he is missing out on an amazing girls life. But now those feelings of anger are back in full swing. 

Have you ever been in a similar situation?  What did you do? What should I do. 

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2 thoughts on “Same old story, same old ending

  1. I would follow up with the psychologist and with your daughter, that if he makes contact again, that you will be prepared. Does she want to talk to him? How does she want to communicate with him? How should you structure the contact that it has the most benefit to her? I do not think handing her cellphone number to him would be beneficial to her. You don’t know what will transpire there. I think your daughter’s well-being is the most important, and that you should protect her but that she does not feel that you keep her dad from her.
    Best wishes!

    Like

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