Let me start this post by saying for some or other reason I feel horrible writing this post. There are so many other people struggling with this and here I am complaining that I don’t want to “hurry up an wait” I want it all and I want it now. That is the kind of girl/women I have always been. So if I do offend anyone I am sorry but this is about me and not about you and what has happened in your life.
I am done saying sorry for complaining and all those other things I feel guilty about.
Hannes and I are trying for another baby, now I know you are thinking your relationship hit rock bottom 2 months ago?! I have wanted another baby since we got married, technically even before that, but Hannes has finally agreed and we have been trying for the last 2 months, like really trying. Yes we are working on us and mostly we need to work on the way we react to situations, I have noticed if you react better to a situation it does not become a big thing and you are able to talk about it and move on – yes that took us 6 years to realise.
Besides the fact that I have gotten side tracked again, the fact that I am not pregnant yet is making me crazy – not all day everyday crazy, but once or twice a day I think about it or I see a baby and then I’m all like, dammit why am I not pregnant.
You see I got pregnant the first time that Hannes and I slept together, yes I get that it is 6 years later and I am no longer 22 but hell hurry up and wait is not for me. I want to be pregnant and I want it now.
Before you comment and mention that I am still very young and have years to have another baby, you are wrong.I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE MORE CHILDREN AFTER 30.
Lets say I get pregnant April next year and I pop the baby out just after my 30th birthday, my house will look a little like this:
- Grade: 5
- Age: 7
- Grade: 1
But by the time the new baby is 8 it will look a little like this:
- Age: 15
- Grade: 9
- Age: 8
- Grade: 2
So I will have 3 children in 3 different school in 3 different stages of life… This already sounds like a lot of work.
My other reason for not wanting children after 30 is I don’t want too. For now we have made the decision that if I am not pregnant by April 2016 Hannes is going for a snip. This is not the final decision we will discuss it again in April 2016 but for now that is our timeline. We don’t want to struggle to have a baby and then I have one in my later 30’s and we sit with a child in School when we are almost 60. I want my kids done with school and university by the time that I am 55. I want to be able to at that age not longer worry about my children’s future (not that you ever stop worrying) I just want to work on our retirement plan by that age.
So yes Hurry up and wait is not a game that I like to play.
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