Getting married is apparently for life…or at least that’s what its meant to be

Hi my name is Charlotte and I have not blogged in ages. So much is going on in my life and I have hardly had time to sleep let alone time to blog.

I started keeping a diary a couple of weeks back because I miss writing. I have since then found how many things I actually write about because it is private and I don’t have to think about peoples reactions, it makes this load on my shoulders much lighter.

I’m slowly starting to detach from the blog world as I am reading less blogs, it feels wrong and it feels like I am losing part of who I am, but on the other hand I am living my life for me. I am no longer thinking “I have to get a good photo for a blog post” but rather just enjoying the moment. I am not saying that blogging was in control of my life, but it was always at the back of my mind. This morning I decided that even tough my blog is still private I want to return to normal blogging and as it is Tuesday I want to talk about relationships, more specifically marriage.

Marriage is hard and without going into much detail Hannes and I almost ended ours last week. I just had it with everything, I had enough of always being wrong and not feeling loved and appreciated. It was/is as if we were living in the same house, raising the same children but not doing any of it together. Like I have detached from the blog, we have detached from our relationship. Something had to change, we either needed to go our separate ways or make this marriage work.

You must be thinking what about the adoption process the reason why you went private. That is on hold but not canceled. We need to fix us, our marriage is affecting his relationship with the girls and we cannot enter a new chapter in our lives without the previous one being completed. Does that make any sense?

We have always but the children and their needs in front of ours, we would agree to have monthly date nights but in the end we end up spending that time and money on our children. We get lost in the lives of our kids and other responsibilities. We need to change the way we run our lives. I will not stop being involved in church and at the school, because it is what makes me happy and apart of who I am. Hannes has now also realised that and he has made the decision to support me and help me instead of complaining about all the work that goes with it. Many hands make lighter work. An example of this that tonight I have a meeting at school at 18:30, his train gets to Brackenfell at 18:45 I have the car and he needs to be picked up. usually he would loose his shit our a situation like this, but last night I told him that I will park the car at my grans house (4 min walk to the station) and then walk to school (10 min walk from there) and he can just come fetch me after the meeting or he can walk from the station to the school (15min walk) and just come and fetch the car. He did not loose his shit he said that it is fine we will figure it out.

This does not mean that all our problems are sorted out, but that we are working on sorting them out and finding a balance. I found this great article on Huffington Post, I have edited the list to work for our marriage or what we need to work on in our marriage, but go read it and see what you can add to yours.

  1. Bond with each other’s friends.
  2. Give your spouse alone time with their pals.
  3. Bond with each other’s families.
  4. Touch as often as possible.
  5. Drop your old issues.
  6. Fight fairly.
  7. Cook together.
  8. Have a sense of humor.
  9. Carve out quiet time.
  10. Be playful.
  11. Accept that you’ll both have bratty moments.
  12. Divvy up chores.
  13. 20. Ask your spouse, “What do you need more of?”

There are 20 things on the list, these are the 13 things we need to work on.

Have you ever had rocky moments in your marriage? How did you fix it or at least working towards fixing it.


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5 thoughts on “Getting married is apparently for life…or at least that’s what its meant to be

  1. I’m basically living the exact situation you just described – have been for years now. I think maybe it’s one of the big things people don’t tell you when you have children – maybe the biggest thing – that you will have no life for a few years. No life at all. Some people keep putting one foot in front of the other, some people don’t.


  2. Welcome back! I have missed your posts. Yes, being in a marriage is hard work. It’s not like once you are married you get to stop ‘dating’ and stop trying to ‘impress’ each other. I put it in inverted commas, because, yes, things do change and are more secure – I know even if we have a disagreement, he’s not going to walk out, but it’s very easy to become complacent and put him and your relationship on the back burner while life gets in the way. It’s constantly working on it, making an effort, keeping it exciting and fresh and maintaining the love.


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