Blogging about not blogging

You must have noticed that I haven’t really been blogging. Yeah I do the odd post here and there, but I haven’t done anything to make you say: “Hey the Stilettomum is back!”

I don’t know what is going on with me, but I do not function well in calm.

My life, my house, my finances are a mess. It’s like life is to good and I’m too scared to jump in and enjoy because I know as soon as I do, it’s all going to shit again.

I function better in drama and madness. My OCD kicks in and all is awesome again. Yes I bitch and moan but when it’s over and the calmness comes, I have no clue what to do with myself.

Basically, I’m in a calmness rut.

My schedule is empty – not because I don’t have things to do or places to go, but because I keep cancelling and shifting things around.

I’m back to feeling lost.

I need crazy, I need new goals, I need, I need, I need…

Sitting on my butt and avoiding the world is not going to help me get what I need.

But how do I kick my own behind to get going? Where would I start?

I know that as soon as I make a list find reasons no to do them.

So I’m making a list (yeah I can hear you laughing)

To do list:

· Make a to do list

Now to get cracking. Laters.

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7 thoughts on “Blogging about not blogging

  1. I know EXACTLY how you’re feeling! I didn’t blog for over 6 months *guilty blush* but am now trying to find time to write something every day. It’s only been 3 days, but so far so good lol! But loved this entry 🙂

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  2. I seriously think it is something in the water. I feel like I am on the edge of having a total admit myself to a clinic moment.

    Want to sit around and kick the shit?? With wine. And without kids?

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  3. Although I said that I should keep my mouth shut I will venture a thought because I understand how your mind works. My dear, you simply suffer from ADHD, just like I do. Your mind wants to be in turmoil because that is what seems natural. To flit from topic to topic, to jump from one thing to the next, never quite finishing anything, always expecting something more, aways feeling that there is something missing….but when things get the better of you, which they often due due to your inability to keep control you become depressed, swimming deeper and deeper until something catches your attention and lifts you out of it. The problem is that left untreated you may find that the swing between chaos and depression becomes more and more severe until the entire house of cards folds in on itself.

    You know, I’ve been trying for the past lifetime to understand how to deal with my own mind and in so doing have learned quite a bit about what goes wrong with the damn thing.

    I am not going to give you a RA RA pep talk, life is not easy and we all have to carry our own load, but I will say this, we are all able to look inward and try to understand our inner workings once we realize that we are not the way we are because we are stupid or simply a$$holes but that we are largely a product of our wiring and chemistry.

    With regards to where you are at right now, I understand it too because I am the same, when things get too much and I don’t have answers I tend to stick my head in the sand. A part of you knows that you have to deal with things and another part just can’t summon the courage to get on wth it. It’s like having a big project and you just can’t figure out exactly how to handle it so you leave it thinking that the inspiration will come to you. The problem is that some sh1t just has to be dealt with whether we like it or not. We have to get up in the morning and say FKit I will do one thing, I won’t fret about it, i wont think about it, I will simply bite the bullet and do it. I know it’s hard because we turn molehills into mountains in our minds….

    You know, you should make a list and put 1 k@k thing on it and 2 nice things and nothing more. There is no point in making a list that you can’t accomplish. Do the 3 things, celebrate and make another list.

    I know what it is like to go through life as a f*ckup with a f*cked up mind. I also know what it is like to come to terms with the whole lot and be able to say “I am what I am and I try to do better each day and I don’t honestly give a royal continental flying f*ck what anybody thinks about it because it is my life and my mind”

    What is the bottom line, you can choose to seek solutions to your issues or you can choose to drown in them.

    Just think about it, you have 2 little girls who think that you are the best person in the world, they think that you know everything and that you have all the solutions to all their problems….this should tell you that you have a bloody good reason to get off your butt and make a better life for the three of you!

    Anyhow, I suppose I run the risk of you taking great offence to everything I wrote but please understand that these are merely my own observations from afar. Maybe I see too much of myself in you that isn’t really there….Could it be that the chameleon in the mirror wears a different colour…

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