Confused and Angry at myself

That’s how I feel right now. Today I found out that someone who was suppose to be apart of my life passed away. I’m so confused right now. They say that one should not live with the “what if” in the back of your mind, but i have that now. Somehow I have always known this day would come and I believed that I would have gotten over my issues before then and made an attempt to get to know her. But I never did.

I don’t know what to think or feel. I will never have the chance to get to know her, I will never be able to see her smile or see what everyone else sees in her. But I am to blame for that as well.

I’ve had 18 months to attempt to get to know her and form some kind of bond and I avoided it.

Maybe I have no right feel heartbroken over someone I never got to know, it was s decision I made and I have to live with that.

My heart goes out to the family – my family, it’s never easy to loose someone and I know that especially with this person it must be the hardest as all of you have only had good things to say about her.


One thought on “Confused and Angry at myself

  1. What my cousin Mandy had to say:
    A woman of extreme strength, courage and love,Who was beautiful, soft and now peaceful and free as a dove. We will forever hold in our hearts in which we have truly learned the most from, Your strength as a wonderful mother to our mothers and fathers, And which we hope to gain in raising your great grandsons and great granddaughters.­ We will always respect all you went through in your hardships and distinguished ways,Your ability to hold yourself with such dignity and pride in all your days, Your beauty shines in us all,We`will carry you in our hearts,And remember the beautiful women we owe our lives to,For giving Her unconditional love and her sensual laughter,For being such a person in who will always and have always held deep in our hearts now and here after. You are taking a little part of us with you as you follow your angels who will guide you to your precious place,May you look down on us with pride on what you brought into this world with your guidance in which you are now truly our angel of grace. as you enter your new heavenly home, may you rest in peace for which you truly deserve,For you will be truly missed and remembered for your love and honor in which we will preserve. We love you always and forever.”


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