Will they be close friends or just a family?

In the previous post about sibling rivalry I talked about advantages and disadvantages about either having your children close together or far apart as well as the different types of personalities and how they affect how your house is run.

With all children it is important that you encourage a strong sense of self. In our home we try to spend one on one time with each child to show/remind them that they are not only one of the kids but they are an individual and they have different needs than their sibling.

With Lorelai it is difficult to spend one on one time away from Amandalynn or even the family, but for now it is not really needed as she is happy sitting on you hip and cuddling for hours. Amandalynn on the other hand I tend to take her with me whenever I go shopping or do activities that will bore Lorelai. When we go shopping she gets to take things of the shelf and help me decide what we need. She does enjoy this as she feels she is contributing to the family life.

My biggest wish for my girls is to have a close relationship. I know this is not something that I can will to happen and my attempts might either encourage it or push them apart. As important as my daughters being friends is to me it is even more important that they have friends apart from each other.

Amandalynn is like a said a quite child and even though she does not have trouble playing with kids, I fear that because of her pleasing personality she will have her heart-broken many times before she finds a true friend that will love and accept her as she is and not try to use her.

Lorelai on the other hand will have no problem making friends and keeping them. She has a very strong personality and will her ground. This I fear will also in a way be her downfall as she will not take others into consideration. (Note I am already working on encouraging good social skills in both my children.)

In this section of the book it talks about the different birth orders of children and how it affects their personalities, etc.

As a first-born I always felt the need to look out for my brothers, I was allowed to hurt and tease them but if you as an outsider hurts them I will usually inflict pain on you. In the book they mention so personality types, some I fall under some I don’t. The first would be that a first-born child is very intense and high maintenance. I was very intense and high maintenance as a child and I think Hannes will even say that now as an adult I am still very high maintenance. Amandalynn as my first-born does not fit into this category.

The second is that the first-born might feel the need to be a role model/protector/substitute mother or father for the younger siblings. I really did feel this way. Later in primary school and high school I stayed at home in the afternoon with my brothers as we did not have to go to an after school program, but I had to look after them, see that they did homework and chores assigned to them. They would say things like I am not their mother but the role as a substitute mother was giving to me as I was their care giver for half the day.

The third is enormous pressure to succeed I think this is true for all children no matter what your birth order was. I had a lot of trouble in school as my education did not start off to well. I have ADHD and as a result the teacher labeled me as a naughty child. I eventually stopped trying to prove them wrong and fell directly into the name they gave me.

I’m not going to dwell into the youngest and the middle child. I have no knowledge of how it is to be one of those.

What was your role in you siblings birth order? What do you see in the birth order of your children? Comment below or do a post and link it up.


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